Hi My name is Jessica and I’m a control freak (Hi Jessica!)
Lol Sad but true, I love control and for the most part I have it in almost every area of my life. I plan out everything, I color code, I make spread sheets for fun! I realize none of these things are bad in themselves but I had to stop and ask myself recently what happens when things don’t go according to the way I planned them out? Sadly, the answer is something I don’t like to admit, I freak out! It sometimes is so bad that literally cause myself internal pain from the stress of things not going to plan. Now I don’t mean that if plans change last minute or someone cancels I lose my mind, give me some credit I’m not psycho. But the best way to describe it is to give you an example.
A few summers ago my family took a trip to the lake in Arizona. We did this a lot in the summers growing up, we would go and ride our wave runners around for days. This summer, because there was more people than usual, we rented a boat as well and brought along an inflatable pancake to tow behind. I loved the river and lake, I knew how to drive the wave runners, all the safety instructions, all the hand signals. I was prepared. One of our last days there my best friend and I went out on “the pancake”. Once we got out there my father started to do donuts and started to go faster and faster. I knew if we didn’t start to slow down my best friend and I would end up flipping off and it would not be pretty. I let go to give the hand signal to slow down and just as I did that we hit a wave, I lost control, the pancake flipped in the air and crashed us into the water. I don’t know if you’ve ever hit water that hard going that fast but its not like jumping into a pool. It hits you like a ton of bricks, then under the water I was being dragged by the current and flipped around.
All this to say when I lost control, when I lose control, unfortunately I tend to lose faith. I’ve gotten better at it, to not lose faith when life doesn’t go my way but its difficult. I’ve had to learn a few key things that have helped me hold on to hope and not hold on to my plan.
1.) It’s not about my plan it’s about his purpose
I love that cliché saying if you want to hear God laugh tell him your plan. Don’t ask me why I love it because I have no clue. Maybe because I love the idea of God laughing lol. But it sits with me, when I heard it for the first time I went “mmm that’s good” because I thought about all the times that I made plans and argued with God over them. I had a plan for my life but when I stepped out of what I wanted for my life and let God have control he took me in a way I never saw and now I can’t imagine my life any different
2.) It’s not about my comfort it’s about his calling
Comfort can be the most detrimental thing to your ministry, doesn’t matter if it’s an actual ministry or just your life. You are a walking talking ministry in yourself, everyone you come in contact with you have the opportunity to tell them about Jesus, it doesn’t have to be only on Sunday. But when you let yourself sit in comfort for to long you aren’t pushing yourself and more importantly you are no longer relying on God. When you’re comfortable you take God out of the picture. You inadvertently say God I don’t need you in this part of my life, I got it. Hate to break it to you but your life is God’s ministry and yes honey you do need him he is calling us to reach the unreached people of this earth and you sitting comfortably does not allow that to happen! Which leads me into my last point…
3.) It’s not about my safety but about others salvation
That’s God’s calling, to bring others to him so HE can save them. Notice I didn’t say we are to save people because you ain’t God and that is not your burden to bear, you’re welcome for that relief. But really the goal is to bring as many people in our lifetime to God as possible, so he can change them, so he can save them! When we feel like we are losing control we may feel unsafe. I felt very unsafe falling into the water off the pancake and unfortunately hurt myself more in the process of trying to regain control. If I had just relaxed realized I have no control in this situation and let go for one second I would not have gotten so hurt.
When we care more about our safety over others salvation we can really hurt them and ourselves. Don’t stand in your own way of being the instrument that God called you to be in this moment in time.
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? – Psalm 27: